ineke.co.uk

Describing them as “struggling” or “failing” to open is unfair, I think. How about “deciding” not to do so? I am grateful for the 101 ways churches are open even when doors are closed https://t.co/EjQxrGxmZM

— Richard Littledale (@richardlittleda) January 17, 2021

The Crystal Palace Budgens is not messing around. New sign up this morning. pic.twitter.com/MSJOBlgpMC

— Sophia Money-Coutts (@sophiamcoutts) January 15, 2021

pic.twitter.com/WjSvKnqheR

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) January 17, 2021

All dog food will be mixed with a harmless fluorescent so that nobody steps in any mess whilst walking in the dark. #Manicfesto

— 📢 oFFiCiaL mONsTEr rAvINg lOOnY PArTy 🎩 (@Official_MRLP) January 16, 2021

This one never fails to cheer me up. pic.twitter.com/aN6zlZtwu0

— Anthony McGowan (@anthony_mcgowan) January 16, 2021

If you touch a raw garlic clove with your feet, you will taste garlic in your mouth about an hour later. pic.twitter.com/Fq1WONoZSt

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) January 17, 2021

Big shoutout to my Dad who wheeled me into A and E today with my broken ankle while singing “Never gonna dance again”. Cheers Billy! 🕺🏼

— Chris Ramsey (@IAmChrisRamsey) January 17, 2021

A Back to the Future mind blowing revelation… https://t.co/TuQRp2GFjl

— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) January 17, 2021

And this is why Rufus is a good ‘un. pic.twitter.com/XQsL9iKzBF

— Nick Pettigrew (@Nick_Pettigrew) January 17, 2021

Tell us what we missed. pic.twitter.com/crqhf5RTh9

— The Poke (@ThePoke) January 18, 2021

Two groups of penguins pass each other, stopping briefly to exchange information. pic.twitter.com/a7YWDYqdps

— Dick King-Smith HQ (@DickKingSmith) January 18, 2021

After Laurence Fox posts a picture of himself wearing a mask exemption badge that he bought off the internet, ‘attention-starved’ is added to the list of valid conditions.

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) January 18, 2021

Honest question:

Why do we approve MLK and all his writing and teaching despite repeated documentation of his consistent infidelity,

And yet,

Denounce others for a single instance of moral failure?

Wrestling with this tonight.

— Sarah Yardley (@yardleysarah) January 18, 2021

NEWS! James Acaster and @JoshWiddicombe are coming back to Dave with a brand new series of #Hypothetical starting February 10th!

If you wondered how they filmed the show during a global pandemic enjoy these bits from the new series that will unfortunately never make it onto TV. pic.twitter.com/CJ26ejDx2H

— Dave (@davechannel) January 20, 2021

Can anyone explain why America abides by the completely medieval idea of the pardon from on high?

— David Baddiel (@Baddiel) January 20, 2021

If anyone says "Given the last few years, are there any things that still make you proud to be British?" I have to reply, "It's a dwindling list, but Nigella Lawson calmly choosing Bitter Orange Tart on the day Trump leaves office would be one of them." https://t.co/JTAR5pZWR7

— Caitlin Moran (@caitlinmoran) January 20, 2021

I think the biggest lie I was ever told was that "every employer" would need to see one of these: pic.twitter.com/WqskPqqGit

— LesBeMums (She/Hers) (@LesBeMums) January 18, 2021

Tories who voted in favour of providing food to vulnerable children at Christmas: 5

Tories who voted in favour of doing trade deals with regimes committing genocide: 319

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) January 20, 2021

Pretty sure that helicopter has been built from the base of Thunderbird 2. pic.twitter.com/41t2OLv8yD

— David Baddiel (@Baddiel) January 20, 2021

Has @pritipatel forgotten she is the Home Secretary? https://t.co/1X1XqKeG29

— David Lammy (@DavidLammy) January 20, 2021

"Joe Biden probably likes Britain because of how we genocided his ancestors" is top tier Britain in its own history books/Britain in everyone else's history books content https://t.co/5Qu3jzFd8k

— katie spalding (@supermathskid) January 20, 2021

And just like that… pic.twitter.com/JdvYJiYhHH

— The Poke (@ThePoke) January 20, 2021

“Horsies or not being dead?”
“Horsies”
“Maybe take a couple of minutes to think it throu-“
*slamming fist on table* HORSIES https://t.co/qRGq3TKBZu

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) January 20, 2021

Three Wednesdays in January pic.twitter.com/9dQgG0R0A8

— Jesus Jiménez (@jesus_jimz) January 20, 2021

Cause. Effect. pic.twitter.com/0gd2XA7Oax

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) January 20, 2021

Anyone want a 2, 3 or 4 bedroom house designed for living?! pic.twitter.com/8d3WcMSpN4

— Helen (@HRDutson) January 21, 2021

'Par don' is French for 'by Don'
which sounds like 'Bye Don'
and 'Biden'#notajokejustacollectionofwords

— Paul Kerensa (@paulkerensa) January 20, 2021

I think the audience are flagging. pic.twitter.com/aFIjzTujbx

— Paul Kerensa (@paulkerensa) January 20, 2021

Confession: I say the Lord’s Prayer during the Pledge of Allegiance.

— Shane Claiborne (@ShaneClaiborne) January 20, 2021

My one wish is for Amy Poehler to reprise her role as Leslie Knope to react to today's inauguration. pic.twitter.com/GX58Ls6Od6

— Natalia Navarro (@NataliaVNavarro) January 20, 2021

When you have to sing at the inauguration at 11 and win the Hunger Games at 12 #InaugurationDay pic.twitter.com/UBiawzcuNH

— Betches (@betchesluvthis) January 20, 2021

Joe Biden is the first actor from Parks and Recreation to become the President of the United States.

— out of context parks and rec (@nocontextpawnee) January 20, 2021

Bernie dressed like the inauguration is on his to do list today but ain’t his whole day. pic.twitter.com/wCRyoxU3V2

— Reeezy (@MsReeezy) January 20, 2021

My contribution to all the Bernie Sanders memes 😂 pic.twitter.com/DKPGSk0lAQ

— carlitos (@iamdoitcoward) January 21, 2021

Bernie Sanders cameo in Forrest Gump 😮 pic.twitter.com/HUBejIgi1k

— El Duderino (@IamSegni) January 21, 2021

I could re-post a million Bernie memes today, but I'll just post my favorite. Here ya go pic.twitter.com/fQqLU8Pi4f

— Emilee (@emilee_limeblue) January 21, 2021

Although somebody did put Bernie in the throne from Fresh Prince… pic.twitter.com/XKyHGkfppW

— Dr. PrincessPoetress🌊💃🏾💡⚜️ (@PrincezPoetress) January 21, 2021

This is the most depressing tagline I’ve ever read pic.twitter.com/XER5IbIujW

— Helen Simmons ✨ (@HelenSimmons8) January 21, 2021

Pretty sure Biden tried to book 'A man: Dave Gorman' for the inauguration. Never mind.

— Dave Gorman (@DaveGorman) January 22, 2021

I’m no expert, but looking at this in the Evening Standard, I’m thinking, maybe I’m ready to step up? I got the exact same figure! pic.twitter.com/Mw9OKZlPm9

— Bethan Gorman (@Mrs_Gorman) January 21, 2021

I clean my tap

"My god, my tap looks nice when I actually clean it"

I turn away for two seconds: pic.twitter.com/35806tIJOi

— Andrew Hunter Murray (@andrewhunterm) January 22, 2021

👏👏👏 @nicolacoughlan pic.twitter.com/cSuPbFAzSP

— Netflix UK & Ireland (@NetflixUK) January 22, 2021

President Biden has removed the Diet Coke button. When @ShippersUnbound and I interviewed Donald Trump in 2019, we became fascinated by what the little red button did. Eventually Trump pressed it, and a butler swiftly brought in a Diet Coke on a silver platter. It's gone now. pic.twitter.com/rFzhPaHYjk

— Tom Newton Dunn (@tnewtondunn) January 21, 2021

“Once COVID is over” is starting to sound a lot like “When I win the lottery.”

— Kiz✨ (@kizkaur_x) January 19, 2021

You’re all freaks, the correct way to do things is to rotate like a rotisserie chicken https://t.co/X3yXcl1Rn3

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) January 22, 2021

Read the room.

You’re telling us, that a £120m national festival celebrating the countries worst political and economic decision in modern history is meant to Unite us?

How about using that £120m to fund school meals? PPE for medics?

Ridiculous.

https://t.co/xWKI2boLrT

— Dr. Jennifer Cassidy (@OxfordDiplomat) January 22, 2021

As I look back on my life I realise how many times I have worried unnecessarily. If only I had trusted God completely, I would have saved myself so much turmoil.

— Nicky Gumbel (@nickygumbel) January 23, 2021

All the information contained in English-language Wikipedia could be stored in 0.000014 grams of DNA.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) January 23, 2021

Letter by BMA to Chris Whitty seen by BBC calls for gap between Pfizer vaccine doses to be reduced from 12 weeks to 6. BMA claims UK strategy looks isolated internationally – also concerns over whether 12 week delay might not allow second doses of the Pfizer to be guaranteed

— Hugh Pym (@BBCHughPym) January 22, 2021

Not with me around, you don'thttps://t.co/KEjwsPtEYM

— Jeremy Vine (@theJeremyVine) January 23, 2021

I purchased a whole house hoping this phone it had on the wall came with it. It didn’t and now I feel robbed. pic.twitter.com/UbIcsiArXJ

— Rebel Phoenix (@RebelPhoenixxx) January 21, 2021

The official website of Wimbledon and Putney Commons lists “womblus commonus (subspecies litterpickerus)” on its list of local wildlife.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) January 23, 2021

I just think this is a really bad look for football. I know gambling is big business but we are normalising something which is a problem for thousands of individuals and families. Sport is brilliant, enjoyable & fun without the need to bet on it. https://t.co/iPtjNyazSv

— Dan Walker (@mrdanwalker) January 23, 2021

✅ 425,596 vaccine doses yesterday

✅ 6,329,968 doses in all so far

✅ 8.8% of population already had first dose

It’s almost as if letting the NHS take control of health roll-outs instead of private companies run by your pals is a good idea.

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) January 23, 2021